Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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