you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
