Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
