I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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