the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
