I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
