There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
