i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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