Quick, to the slutcave!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
