literally had 100 drinks last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize