had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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