I wish I could punch you in the face.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
