The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
