Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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