...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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