If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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