I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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