We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
