Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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