i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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