ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
