Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
