as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
