I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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