Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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