his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
