Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
