I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
