I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
