You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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