so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
