im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize