It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
