we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
