Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
