Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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