she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
