he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
