I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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