There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
