Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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