even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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