Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
