as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
