i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
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