You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
