I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
