I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
