just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
