I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
