Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
