My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Everything about him screamed your future.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
