I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
