Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
