Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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