While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
