I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize