During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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