I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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