While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
