I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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