I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
