I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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