Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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