I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
