dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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