Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
