They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
