please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
