She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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